I've always had an obsession with words. From an early age, I began talking, and I haven't shut up since. I began writing stories as young as first grade. Nothing special just using my imagination and life experience to in a sense, cope with the happenings of my life. I got more serious about stories the older I got. At one point I even fantasized about being a published author... but eventually I moved on to a more realistic dream, actress. As you can tell I'm a dramatic storyteller.
Eventually, I gave up on my stories. I got busy with the chaos and struggles of life and writing was no longer a part of who I was, but words would continue to be a huge part of who I was, whether I was writing stories or dissociating into books.
At the beginning of 2021, I began writing poetry. Looking back I can't pinpoint exactly why I decided that day to sit down and write. I had never even dabbled in poetry before, yet my emotions that day were so heightened, the only logical thing I could think of in that moment was to write down words that I wasn't even sure what they meant; all I knew was they were important to me.
The first poem I wrote that day (Resilient) could be described as a fit of rage. Towards what I'm not really sure. A cumulation of a lot of things honestly. A bit of everything, yet a lot of nothing. I was filled with an aching heart pouring out passionate words that rhyme maybe a bit too much. And then more words filled out. More stories lined up. More emotion sobbed out of my fingers onto the screen... and that night I was blessed with a disturbing peaceful sleep.
Gradually my poems evolved and my words haunted my brain again and again. Why did I write these things? I knew these words came to me for a reason... even the ones that I didn't even relate to, I knew there was more to these verses than simply giving me an outlet to pour my heart out.
So I shared a few with one or two close friends. It was then when my friend Kate brought the idea of starting a blog to me. She said "Ruthie I would love to hear your words on more than just a Snapchat, or Instagram story. Have you ever thought about writing a blog? I think you could impact so many more people with your wisdom!" Life of course was so hectic back then and I continuously put this idea on the backboard... until now.
So tonight I sat down and said, "Why not" and here we are. So time and time again I will share uplifting stories, and poems, and whatever else I can do to use my words for a brighter purpose. And I thought it would be fitting to share my first poem, on my first blog post:
Resilient
How is it ok that I’m in pain,
And you can’t even remember my name?
How is it ok that I’m broken inside,
And you can’t even bother to say hi?
How is it ok that my heart is breaking,
And you just keep MAKING it seem as if I don’t exist?
Well, guess what? I do.
And no thanks to you, I will keep on doing, exactly what I do.
I will keep on living, tho it feels like I’m dying.
I will keep on singing, tho inside I’m still crying.
I will keep on dreaming, tho I gave up believing
And I will continue to press on because it’s been so long,
And you don’t even understand what you did wrong.
-Truthie M.