The Forest

You idealized the forest. Told me green and brown was your favorite color.

I never liked nature. Trees we’re too tall, the way they hovered over me was intimidating. I never really liked the color of the trees that never change, the green made me feel claustrophobic i never really liked the browns of the trunks and the bears. For brown had a habit of making me scared.

But when you told me that you loved forest green suddenly all I wanted was to be one with the trees. I wanted the trees to be one with me.

You sang with the birds and i fell in love with the melody. If that’s what the forest was to you then I surely wanted to experience more of it too.

The more I basked in your presence, the more I understood….

One day someone told me my eyes were forest green and I rejoiced, I felt beautiful… I felt desired even more now to be seen, for if you loved forest green, maybe then you might love me.

But you see, trees tend to go dormant and begin to look like they are dead. And like the lovely hum from your voice, I focused more intensely on the words that you said. I longed to hear you tell me that too, I longed for you to see in my eyes the reflection of the trees… because maybe that would mean you might even love me.

Over time I had the same infatuation with you as you had for the forest. The greens, the browns, the golden sun kissed aromas. I wanted that. I wanted you to see that in me.

I never liked the forest. Until I fell for you. I fell deeper in love with the things I never even knew. And I grew. I never loved the forest until I desired to be apart of it. To BE the forest. I never cared much for trees until I saw how much you loved them and wanted you to love me. For what once was terrifying, became comforting in you. I remember the way the height of the trees used to scare me, and now I only hoped like the way you towered over me meant you would protect me. 

But the more I looked and craved you to see, the brokenness in my eyes is what shattered me. I saw you looking at her as though the forest stole its beauty from her smile. My forest green eyes turned to desperation brown as any hope of you loving me was long gone, never to be found.

But you see the difference between me and the trees, is that trees don’t have hearts. The trees don’t ache for where we once were before it was love itself that tore us apart. And in desperation my forest green turned heartbreak blue because you fell for the forest of someone who told me I might possibly have a chance with you.

I never liked the forest much until you came into the picture. And now when I see a tree I wish that I was bigger. That I had the upper hand, that i was in control. Because the little hints of forest in my eyes, suddenly became everything I wish I’d never known. And now when I see green or brown, I only want to puke. And days like these I look into my forest eyes, I only think of you.